Fultu Bakwaas - Chaliye, Miltey Hain Facebook Par!!

Baat Badey Khushi Ki Hai, Pardes Mein Desi Ka Milna

Woh Relative Ho Tho, Kya Mazaa Hai Dugna?????

...

Mummy Boli Kuch Din Pehle,

''Suman ki Beti Se Tu Jaa Mil Ley’’.

Maine Poocha – ''Kaun Suman?''

Mummy Boli, ''Meri Cousin Suman.

Rehti Hai Uski Beti In Tere Shehar,

Likh Le Ab Tu Uska Number''.

Yun Kaise Main Ussey Milney Jaoon?

Jaan Na Pehchaan, Main Uski Mehmaan?

Mummy Boli, ''Kar Math Fikar,

Sirf Bula Usey Ghar Khaaney Par’’.

Maana Maine Ma Ka Kehna,

Kiya Phone – ''Pehchaana Behna?''

Boli Aunt Suman ki Beti,

''Haan, Tu Hai Na Aunt Kiran ki Beti?’’

Main Aayi Seedhey Point Par,

Bulaaya Usey Ghar Khaaney Par.

Behna Boli,''Mumkin Nahi Aaj Aa Paana,

Hoga Nahi Kal Bhi Aana.

Life Meri Badi Vyasth Hai,

Plans Banaana Vyarth Hai,

Rehne De Yeh Khaana-Waana,

FACEBOOK Par  Zaroor Add Karna''!!!!

Nahi Rahaa Ab Waqt Puraana,

Badal Gaya Hai Yeh Zamaana.

Ab Daur Hai Facebook Ka,

Twitter, Tumblr Ityaadi Ka.

Ek Hi Shehar Mein Rehtey Hongey,

Suman, Kiran, Parveen Ke Bachhey.

Aapas Mein Na Milthey Hongey,

Facebook Se Hi Kaam Chalaathey Hongey.

 

Life Meri Badi Vyasth Hai,
Dhun Uski Badi Mast Hai,

Aaj  Post Likhney Ki Chaah Hai,

Lekin Ideas Mann Mein Khaakh Hai,

Still, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK HAI !!!!!!!!!!! :-) :-)

Fultu Bakwaas - Jab Din Me Neend Aa Jaaye.....

......Tab Raat Ki Neend Ud Jaaye

...

Yes, when 'some people' spend some part of their day sleeping, then they have trouble falling asleep at night. What do 'such people' do then?

• To begin with they go to bed way past their usual bedtime and then lie down with their eyes shut tightly.

• Then they twist and turn and change their positions and also hold a pillow pressing tightly against their face.

•  Next, they check the time to see how long it has been since they tucked into bed.

•  Then they decide to watch some Telly but soon they get bored of it.

•  Then they decide to read some book but as they cannot concentrate, they give up the idea of reading.

•  Then they decide to browse the Internet for sometime.

•  Next, they ping some friend in the other part of the world who is online but soon they realise that the friend has got other important things to do. So they leave the chat.

•  Then they log into facebook and check out their friends' recent photos.

•  They realise that spending time on facebook is almost like sleeping and therefore decide to spend some more time on facebook by commenting and 'liking' their friends' status messages and updates, that are albeit 10 or 12 hour old.

•  Then they decide to read some blog  posts during which time they realise that a post is long overdue on their page and therefore decide to write a blog post.

•  But ideas do not flash them at God earthly hours, so they spend some time staring at the blank page and ultimately end up writing about their sleepless night.

• Once they publish the post, they realise that it is morning (yay!!) but by then they experience some dizzy spells. So they pick up their phone, select their office telephone number and call in sick!!! After that they retire to bed........

Fultu Bakwaas...Bolo Mere Akha

Bolo Mere Akha...Kya Chahiye?

...

Earlier today I decided to clean the lamp in my drawing room of its previous fragrance and restore it with a new fragrance that I purchased other day. As I was cleaning the lamp, I began to wonder, what my three wishes would be if the Genie appeared:

1) I would wish for Genie to do my office work so that I could blog more regularly from the office.

2) I would wish for Genie to give Bollywood directors some original ideas to make good movies that I can watch on Friday evenings.

3) I would wish for thousand wishes. (Teen se mera kya hoga?)

Alas, the Genie did not appear :( . Looks like I rubbed him the wrong way or perhaps the economic recession has hit Genie too and that has put the Genie out of the business of ''appearing and granting wishes'' !

Fultu Bakwaas - Yeh Andar Ki Baat Hai

Well, it's no longer Andar ki Baat Hai, Is it?

...

Nah, you got that wrong. I am not talking about Rupa but I am talking about sagging jeans.This evening at the traffic light I saw this guy cross the road. His jeans were only slightly above his knees. It had slipped too far from his waist but just enough to show his funky boxers.A lot of guys these days wear those sagging jeans. They think it is cool. But I think it looks hilarious. Have these boys not outgrown the age where their trousers sag?? Then there are some jeans with a faux-boxer band attached to the back of them so it only looks like they're sagging...but not really. Now that is ridiculous. The fad supposedly started in prisons but I think there might have been numerous other reasons behind how this trend originated:

1)      Belts must have failed to serve their purpose

2)      It is time saving as they only need to get the jeans up to their knee length

3)      Perhaps there was shortage of denim materials

4)      Underwears became more fashionable but only Superman is allowed to wear them over his trousers. Rest of them have to wear their jeans around their knees to display their underwears.

5)      Underwears became a medium of advertising. 

 

Whatever may be the reason behind the trend of sagging jeans, It is no longer andar ki baat hai. Aaj kal yeh baahar ki baat ho gayi hai!

Fultu Bakwaas - Knowledge and Wisdom

What is the difference between Knowledge and Wisdom ?

Knowledge is knowing that a saw can cut the branch of the tree.

Wisdom is knowing not to saw off the particular branch that you are sitting on!

Fultu Bakwaas - Kaha Gaya Mera Internet Connection?

Pahunchi ghar jab after work

Socha kar lu e-mail check

Kiya Mozilla par ek click

Par usney kiya kuch aur hi trick

Jaise ho gayi ho ab uski age

Waise nikla ek error message.

Ek aur click se kiya page ko refresh

Par hua na issey koi fayda

Kharab jo tha woh bakaayda 

Dobara ho gaya tai tai fish.

Saarey wires ko phir kiya check

Shayad tab ho jaaye woh theek?

Ek nazar ghumaaya bechaarey modem par

Jal-bujh raha tha woh dar darkar.

Uthaaya phone aur ghumaaya number

Hua vohi jo hota hai na aksar

Baja music aur mila answer -

''Thank you for calling. Please hold 

for next available advisor''.

Anth mein aayi ek aawaaz -

''Sorry to keep you waiting.

How can I help you?''

Farmaaya maine apna complaint

Suna usney just like a saint.

Bola phir voh ''Sorry Ma'm''

Chal raha hai yaha kuch kaam

Asuvidha ke liye khed hai

Bohat jald theek honey ki ummeed hai!!

Beet chukey hain ab bahatthar ghantey

Internet ka koi naam aur nishaan nahi

Voh Kehtey  hain aap hona pareshaan nahi

Jald kar dengey hum sab sahi sahi!!

Filhaal tho hu main at work

Socha kar lu email check

Lagey haathon likha yeh post

Signing off...

You have a good weekend Dost.

Fultu Bakwaas - Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar

Once a bunch of frogs decided to hold a competition. The goal was to reach the top of a high tower in the centre of town. As the frogs engaged in the competition, a large crowd gathered to watch the race. But no one in the crowd actually believed that the frogs could make it to the top of the tower. As the race began, the crowd began to ridicule the frogs and started shouting things like – ''oh way too difficult, you wont make it, not for you, the tower is too high, give up so on and so forth. The frogs began to fall off, one by one except those who were focused in the race. The crowd continued to ridicule the failed frogs by saying, ''see, we told you, you couldn’t do it''. Listening to this, few other frogs gave up. 

One by one, the frogs began to feel tired and quit except for one tiny frog who continued higher and higher and higher. Eventually, this frog made it to the top of the tower. After the race, all the other frogs gathered around this frog as they wanted to know how he had managed to reach to the top while none of them could. The frog was innundated with questions from all directions and it turned out that the frog was deaf!

I am sure you may have heard or read this story before. Although this story is often narrated as a joke, I think it makes a lot of sense. Towards the path of success we often encounter negativity and lose focus. In such situations, I think one must turn a deaf  ear to negativity and stay focused in one's goal. What say?

Fultu Bakwaas - Office Office

After the TGIF  here it is  OGIM  (Oh God, It's Monday!).

Shall try to make it TGIM  today by committing to work with all my heart. To do that, let me first try and show up at the office on time!

Have a good day friends.

Till next time, Byeeee

Fultu Bakwaas - Sheela aur Munni

Once upon a time in the city of filmisthaan lived two girls namely, Munni and Sheela. Sheela was Munni’s devar’s ex girl friend.

MUNNI  had gulaabi gaal, sharaabi nain and nawabi chaal. She had 'phigure' like that of Shilpa and charisma like that of Bebo. Then one day, she went to a desi daaru adda did some 'thumkey', 'latkey' ,'jhatkey' and thus became 'badnaam'. Sareaam she offered herself to her darling and further went on to become a Zandu Balm - not a pain relieveing Zandu balm but one that induces pain in the err...head of 'mango people' who like to watch some descent shows on TV and listen to some descent music.

 

Maaney na Maaney koi, yeh duniya was sheela ki deewani - so claimed SHEELA herself.  During the mid 2010, Sheela had entered into ‘Rajneeti’ and she used to elegantly dress in saaris and salwar kameez. But one day, she went to a metropolitan discotheque with skimpy outfit and danced to some peppy beats and announced that she was ‘jawan’. Little later Sheela suffered from amnesia as she kept screaming ‘whats my name, whats my name ??

Now Munni’s 'badnaami' and Sheela’s 'jawani' are well publicised topics in the Indian media and have constantly filled in newspaper columns, TV, Radio, SMS,  you tube videos, blog posts etc. The music artists who like to make remix videos by picking popular songs and featuring in them with minimal clothes are disappointed with Munni and Sheela because together Munni and Sheela have put these artists out of game. Poor guy Sallu is also upset because pehely bhaabhi badnaam hui aur ab ex-girl friend haath nahi aa rahi hai!

 

FM radio stations and other websites across India have analysed who among the two is more popular based on various parameters such as branding, costumes, latkey jhatkey etc etc . They  have confirmed that Sheela is more popular than Munni. Rightly so, afterall Sheela,  is 'jawaan' as well as 'badnaam' whereas Munni is just badnaam.

Munni and Sheela probably lived happily ever after becoming badnaam and jawaan and generating revenues for 'filmisthaan' and for themselves by signing up for endorsements.

OK, Kahaani khatm. Serious stuff now - I can't believe I am writing about these item songs. But these songs have taken our nation by storm. I am not in favour of these songs but I would be lying if I say Idid not watch these videos.(how else would I be writing about these songs?). I was disappointed with Katrina and also felt disgusted when I watched the song but I have been wondering though if there is any point criticising these songs? Who is to be blamed - the movie makers, lyricists or the actors? Why would they not make such item songs? Afterall, they are there for making money and such songs do generate huge revenues. The truth is film makers are only going by the demands of the modern day film industry and  liberalisation of mainstream cinema. The best the viewers can do is to hold onto their remote controls and also hold other plans on a Sunday afternoon rather than going to watch Dabaang or Tees Mar Khan.

Fultu Bakwaas...Cooker aur Kadhai

When I was cooking my dinner earlier today, I got reminded of a joke that I watched ages ago on Great Indian Laughter Challenge on StarOne. The joke was about a pressure cooker and a fryiing pan.  

Double burner ka choolha

Ek mein rakha that cooker

Aur ek mein kadhai;

Cooker bola kadhai se

Tu tho tavey ki saali hai 

baahar se bhi kaali

aur andar se bhi kaali hai!

Kadhai ne cooker se bola

Re Cooker tu apney gorey rung par itna kyon itraata hai?

Re Cooker tu apney gorey rung par itna kyon itraata hai?

yadi main kaali hoon

Tho mujhe dekhkar seeti kyon bajaata hai???